Ahh, the time of year is here when our country becomes far too fixated on politics? No. Education reform? Nope. “Global warming”? Ha, no.

It’s awards season. That means a mixture of celebrity flubs, snubs, shout-outs, and fashion which become mixed in with the hard news - for which is the reason I turn on my TV in the morning. I get just thirty seconds of Obama’s policy initiatives, and three minutes of utterly wasteful analysis on Gwen Stefani’s fashion evolution.

But in the spirit of it all – I’m going to present a few awards of my own, why not?

“Most likely to keep their cool whilst stuck in a tank of sharks” goes to … Barack Obama. Mr. Composure, though not entirely a fan of his politics, has always impressed me with his sense of mellow confidence and poise. This morning’s release of his address to the public and republican Congress members to let partisan politics subside was probably a little too mellow. After being shut down by every republican house representative this past week, you’d think he’d be a little more aggressive in his campaign to push his policy through the Senate. I don’t know if he took an Ambien before speaking, but Axelrod’s “duties as assigned,” will have to be lighting a fire underneath the big boss man’s pants before he gets behind the podium again.

“Most likely to have their name used in a euphemism” goes to … Blago. This character’s idiotic spree of bad decisions will be forever linked to new slang. Twenty years from now our teenagers will be saying “Yo bro, you totally Blag’ed that up.”

“Most likely to actually hug a tree” goes to … Al Gore. His continual publicity push for global responsibility, though longfully important, is a faux paus in our nation’s selective attention. Individuals need to be aware most significantly of the situation we have at hand right now, our downturn economy. People need to concentrate on building their savings, finding a job, and supporting themselves and/or their families. Al, take a break – or use this time to job create in new field of “green.”

“Most likely to be hunted down to write my wedding vows” goes to … Tina Fey. After watching her success show 30 Rock and listening to her Golden Globes acceptance speech awhile ago, I have become quite a fan. I love her humor – subtle but packs a big punch. Congrats Tina, I’ll be contacting you once I find Mr. Right … that is after I find a solid career.

The winner for the “town in which I’d never want to be caught with a flat tire” goes to … Lancaster, Pennsylvania! With Gutmo’s slow closing, Washington officials are trying to figure out where to move and detain the hundreds of captured prisoners, many of whom are some of the most craftfully dangerous terrorists our generation has seen. How about Pennsylvania?! Yeah, that’s great – let’s bus ‘em up on I-95 and drop them off in small town Lancaster. Funny thing is, the residents aren’t objecting. In an impromptu interview spree last week, residents were quoted as saying “Yeah, bring ‘em all here, we’re tough. We’ll take care of ‘em.” Oh, really? Well, Lancaster – Congrats on the recent award.

Finally, the “Best Comeback” award goes to … Ms. Britney Spears (It’s still “Ms.” Right?)! I don’t want to get too into this, but I’ve never seen any individual defy the bell curve of dissolution as she has. Congrats, Britney – you’ve resisted even the Vegas odds.